This time I'm really going to do it!

I know I've said it before, but I'm ready to give up sugar. He's no good for me. Ours is a codependent relationship. He tells me I'm worthless, that I need him and him alone. He says I can't make it without him. He says that no one else will want me. 

Well I say, "Go jump off a cliff and get out of my life!"

So I left him. I threw him out. I sent him to the curb, got rid of his things, and threw away his phone number. Alone, I sit and think. Alone. The fear of this word, "alone," is what kept me with him for so long. For many years, this smallest hint of this word would fill me with panic. Heart racing, blood boiling, mind whirling panic. I could never imagine myself without him. I could never separate my identity  from his. He was a part of me, and to reject him was to reject myself.

I don't remember when or how it started, but there came a point when I was able to really start looking at Sugar for what it really is: an ingredient! A chemical compound. A genderless lump of white stuff that neither shows nor feels affection. I know some people with terrible boyfriends, but its sad to realize that mine is probably worse. It's not a boy; it's not my friend. It makes me feel completely dependent, yet is incapable of giving me anything of real value.

So today I am leaving sugar. Again. I've done it before, and this time it will be for good.